by Tim Keller, with review by Jonathan Holmes

There are few topics in Christian publishing that seem never to go out of style. One of those topics are books on marriage. Rarely a week goes by where some new offering is published for our consumption. Each hold out their own promise: how to have a great marriage, how to fix your marriage, how to do your second marriage, how to fix your spouse, and so on. The titles are as endless as the advice.

In Tim and Kathy Keller’s latest offering, “The Meaning of Marriage,” we have one of the fullest and most insightful contributions I have found on the topic of marriage. With their characteristic blend of theological precision and cultural acumen, the Kellers have written a book on marriage that reads just as well for a married couple as for a single person. Indeed, I would recommend this wonderful work to anyone seeking to grow wiser in their understanding of gospel relationships. 

Using Ephesians 5:18-33 as their base, Tim and Kathy reach back to Genesis 2 to show how a proper understanding of Paul’s teaching on marriage begins with God’s intention for Adam and Eve. Incisively, they go on to point out that many people today pursue an ‘apocalyptic’ romance in the sense that they see marriage essentially as a relationship towards self-fulfillment and pleasure.  The marriage relationship based on this view quickly disintegrates leaving both spouses wanting more.  They write, “Modern people make the painfulness of marriage even greater than it has to be, because they crush it under the weight of their almost cosmically impossible expectations.”

In a culture which views marriage as nothing more than an end to foster one’s sense of self-fulfillment, it is no wonder marriages are falling apart and falling out of style.  Without the gospel to address these fundamental issues of need, longing, and fulfillment, marriage will become nothing more than a vehicle for abject selfishness and narcissism. 
    
Later in the book, as Tim and Kathy continue to develop various themes of the gospel and point out how it grounds and empowers the marriage, they ease into speaking about practical facets of the marriage relationship. They speak artfully on a variety of topics such as friendship, or as C.S. Lewis liked to style it ‘the secret thread,’ that binds the heart of the husband and wife together.  The book is permeated with startling self-revelations and self-disclosures which help the reader empathize and identify with Tim and Kathy, not as some ‘holier-than-thou’ marriage speakers, but rather as fellow strugglers saved by God’s grace.

    The book is realistic about the dynamics of marriage: the reality that sex in and of itself does not make a marriage; the disappointment of realizing you often do not truly know the person you are marrying; and, the startling realization that marriage is incredibly self-revealing.  The Kellers write, “Marriage has the power of truth, the ability to reveal to you who you really are, with all your flaws.  How wonderful that it also has the ‘power of love’—an unmatched power to affirm you and heal you of the deepest wounds and hurts of your life.”

The Meaning of Marriage is imminently readable, excellently researched and grounded, yet it is saturated by the personal reflections and experiences of a husband and wife who have both been deeply impacted by the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

About the Reviewer

Jonathan Holmes is a campus pastor at Parkside Church Green where he oversees the Men's, Women's, Young Marrieds, and Families ministries, as well as the counseling ministries at both campuses. Jonathan and his wife, Jennifer, have three daughters, Ava, Riley, and Ruby. In his spare time, Jonathan enjoys reading, traveling, and politics.

This book review was originally written for the Biblical Counseling Coalition. To read the review in its entirety, click here.