Dear friends,
Greetings from the lovely Amazon Basin. I’m sitting here at the keyboard overlooking the Ucayali River and listening to streaming classical Christmas music on the Internet. It’s 80 degrees at 7:00 AM. I’m a morning person. It just doesn’t get much better than this. I’m thinking of Nancy in Ashland where it’s 32 degrees with a winter mix. I’ll see her, Lord enabling, in just a week. But for now, we’re nearing the first day of summer here in the southern hemisphere. Yesterday I saw a four-foot long iguana and a coatimundi (sort of a cross between a racoon and an anteater).
A friend of mine had a buddy in college that everyone called “That’s nothin’” because no matter how outrageous an experience you may have had, he always responded with “That’s nothin,’” and he would then proceed to tell an even more outrageous saga.
When I told the story in the last Collins Update about how leaf-cutter ants strip the leaves off over 400 million trees a year in the Amazon basin, my friend “That’s nothin’ Troyer” (an alias) responded with the following: “Did you know that at any given time, there are 15 trillion ants alive on the face of the earth? And, did you further know that, if you were to gather up all those ants and weigh them, that they would weigh more than the total weight of all the people on earth? That, my friend, is a LOT of ants!”
Obviously “That’s nothin’ Troyer is challenging me to a war of facts. Here’s my retort. If you were to drain Lake Ontario and hook up the big hole in the ground between New York and Canada to the mouth of the Amazon River it would refill in a mere two hours. You could look it up!
Does this ignite your competitive juices? Perhaps you can earn the title of the next “That’s nothin,’” following in the footsteps of these men of renown—the original That’s nothin’, along with That’s nothin’ Troyer and yours truly, of leaf-cutter and Mouth-of-the-Amazon fame. Would you like to try? I am opening here and now a competition for the title of “That’s nothin’” of the Amazon. Can you come up with an interesting fact that puts the ants and the mouth of the Amazon to shame? Try me. Turn in your interesting fact and I’ll judge the entries and pronounce a winner sometime during the week between Christmas and New Year’s.
I’ve learned from experience that some of you play very seriously at such games, so I have to include small print for occasions and opportunities like this. You must have some sort of reference for your “fact” other than the National Enquirer, and it must have something to do with the Amazon River or the tropical rain forest. You cannot make up a “fact;” it must be researched at the very least on the Internet. Bibliographic information is absolutely required. No stories of aliens will be considered and I solely will determine the legitimacy of all sources. My decision is final and I won’t accept recounts or reconsiderations of any kind. My judging will be based on the well-documented “Whoa!” factor, which goes far beyond simply “sheesh” and “wow!” I must receive all entries at or before the exact time of the winter solstice in the northern hemisphere, December 21, 2010 at 6:38 PM Eastern Standard Time.
I’ll bring some kind of prize up from Peru (don’t get your hopes up), and I will mention the winner’s name in a prominent place in an upcoming Collins Update. I think I’ll make some iced tea and meander off to breakfast.
Merry Christmas one and all.
Wes
