To most of us, the idea of a "night out" gets us thinking of going out to dinner, to the movies, or maybe even to a party. For parents' with special needs children, a night out might better be thought of as a "night off," a rare event that lets them catch their breath. Or not...
"Excuse me," says Ingrid Dawkins, who, with several fast strides, covers the expanse of the warehouse in search of her 10-year-old daughter, Kendra, who has just disappeared from Ingrid's vigilant view. Kendra, who is diagnosed with autisim, enjoys climbing and that could mean she has perched herself atop some precarious roost. Ingrid recalls a time when Kendra was once found sitting on top of the cross beam of the family's swing set. "You have to keep your eye on her. She's so fast!" A fact that is not surprising since Kendra's mother can run up to 10 miles a day to relax.
Serving Through Play
Tonight, Ingrid is dropping off Kendra and her two other daughters, Kyra and Kori (pictured above), ages 12 and 9, at Parkside Church's Parents' Night Out (PNO), an evening of respite care for families with special needs children. Three-year-old, baby brother Mason, a self-professed homebody, opted to stay home with a babysitter. Kendra and Kori will stay and play at the warehouse for the next three hours, while Ingrid hopes to surprise Kyra by whisking her away for a special night at the movies.
Parents' Night Out may give the adults a much-needed break, but the evening is also an important time of carefree play for the siblings. Oftentimes, the demands of a special needs child will take top priority and siblings may find themselves handling more than the average kid. So Parents' Night Out is also a chance for kids to be kids. For volunteers Kevin and Premala Jones' family, PNO is a great way to serve the church together as a family. "It's been neat to see our kids realize that playing can be a form of serving," says Premala. "One night, we left PNO and one of the kids said, 'Mom, we didn't do anything. We just played.' I explained that the siblings of the special needs kids also needed that time to be regular kids and that by playing with them, they were caring for them."
Anyone Can Serve
The evening out is scheduled once a month and is always staffed by someone with medical training in case of a medical emergency; however, you do not need special training to serve at PNO. On this particular evening, pediatric hospice nurse, Anna Schutko is serving as the medical staff, along with Mary Ann Geis, a retired physical therapist, and Aaron Port, a 16-year-old sophomore at Cuyahoga Valley Christian Academy. "I was looking for a way to earn my service hours for school and I thought this sounded like fun," says Aaron as he's dragged off by a towheaded boy who wants him to come play kick ball.
How it Began
Parents' Night Out is an outgrowth of Parkside's Faithful Friends, Jr., a ministry for children with disabilities ages 5 to 12. Kelly Coy, Parkside's children's ministry coordinator, remembers when Jim and Charlene Croyts came to her with a desire to minister to families with special needs children by providing a night of respite care, or a parents’ night out. "Char has a nephew with autism, so she knows from personal experience how important it is for parents of special needs children to get an occasional break from the unique challenges these families face," Kelly explains. "Faithful Friends, Jr., started about four years ago and PNO began two years ago. Our desire is that the ministry would not only encourage our Parkside families who have children with special needs, but that it would also be an opportunity to serve any family with special needs. The love and compassion that Jim, Charlene, and their entire team show to PNO families is a visible demonstration of Christ’s love."
When the Dawkins family knew they were moving to Cleveland from Irvine, California, Ingrid contacted Kelly to see if any special needs programs were set up. At the time, no specific program was in place, but Kelly had assured Ingrid that Kendra would be well-cared for. Ingrid was a little doubtful. "I'm honest about my kids' abilities and it's not fair to Kendra or the other kids to be put into a classroom together. But Char was up for the challenge," laughs Ingrid. "She was very honest about not having worked with autistic kids before, and Jim and Char have stuck it out and are integral to the success of Faithful Friends, Jr., and Parents' Night Out."
Special Needs, Special Challenges
Finding qualified and devoted caregivers for autistic children can be a daunting challenge. While Kendra qualifies for a certain amount of state-provided services, finding candidates who are willing to commit are few and far between. "The homecare givers in Ohio are more accustomed to people who are sedentary, in wheelchairs and such. They're not ready for someone with Kendra's energy," remarks Ingrid as she compares the differences between Ohio's and California's assistance programs. And training caregivers in this area is costly. "It can cost up to $65,000 a year through the Cleveland Clinic to train someone properly." Ingrid recalls at least one family who has filed for bankruptcy due to the costs of acquiring proper care for their child.
Both Ingrid and her husband, Mark, are West Point graduates and former Army captains. Ingrid used to work outside the home, but is now currently a stay-at-home mom caring for four kids. Mark is a busy executive who is required to travel around the world for work. They have jumped out of airplanes, served overseas and gone through rigorous training at West Point, but they both agree that none of those experiences prepared them for Kendra. "Military training helped," says Ingrid, "but I know God is in control of it all. This earthly experience is so short, so we just have to get through this whole thing here and now. It's like basic training. It's hard, but this is your mission."
How You Can Pray
Ingrid acknowledges that God's faith is sufficient in all circumstances, but asks for His continued grace in their lives. "I really like Pastor Begg's 'no excuses' sermons that remind us that life is hard, but so what? God is with you all the time."
How You Can Serve
If you'd like to make an impact in the lives of families with special needs, Faithful Friends, Jr., and Parents' Night Out invite you to join their team. They are especially looking for medical professionals who can serve on a rotation basis at the PNO events. Please contact Kelly Coy at kcoy@parksidechurch.com with questions.
Article and photos by Julie Hahn
